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BABYDIABOLICAL · 03-18-2008, 01:30 AM

A friend of mine wanted something to go with his poem Luna . The blur just made it feel more cohesive to me .I have only been at this for about 6 months and am still very much learning,and I appreciate all feedback even if it's not all rave reviews. Here is the poem ...it's kinda a show of your vocabulary kind of thing. I probably should have posted in the critique section...oops!

Luna

Ancient Mother's uncertain light, shines in the skyes tonight---her gentle nature unsettled, something doesnt feel quite right.
Looking down upon man-kind's folly, Moon cringes as she blushes---vermilion glow illuminates, first kisses spawning youthful crushes.
Such goings on...they should amuse her, aether's chill invading---benevolent intentions deserting her, good will suddenly fading...
Fully shining scarlet now, falling prey to evil's lure---dark urges are ascendant, desperation and chaos the only cure.

Kisses turning bitter now, young lovers somehow soiled---the moment's passion deserting them, Mother's evil serpent coiled.
Passion's steaming nature changes, seen in this awful light---such pleasures derived from love's embrace, are not to be tonight.
The wise now hasten to their houses, such light observed before---memory vomits debauched images, remembrance shakes their very core.
Couples absorbed within their passion, ignore such subtle changes---Mother's light prohibits thought, as she silently arranges...

Infernal acts and practices, madness walks the streets---tenderness and compassion lost, all coherence now retreats.
Virgin-blood upon the cobblestones, screaming desperately for revenge---mankind's callous nature struts, to late to make amends.
Foul violence and lusting grows, couples rutting where they lay---enjoyment not a part of this, crimson moonlight orchestrates this display.
Panting innocents look around themselves, waning Moon deserts the skye---wretched wailing fills the air, leaving men to wonder why.

Continuing her endless journey, Mother moves towards western reaches-----
Un-caring in her lofty dwelling, immune to what her reflection teaches.

© January, 2008 ~DaveDoom51~ all rights reserved

03-18-2008, 01:30 AM	#5
BABYDIABOLICAL Designer Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 48	moon A friend of mine wanted something to go with his poem Luna . The blur just made it feel more cohesive to me .I have only been at this for about 6 months and am still very much learning,and I appreciate all feedback even if it's not all rave reviews. Here is the poem ...it's kinda a show of your vocabulary kind of thing. I probably should have posted in the critique section...oops! Luna Ancient Mother's uncertain light, shines in the skyes tonight---her gentle nature unsettled, something doesnt feel quite right. Looking down upon man-kind's folly, Moon cringes as she blushes---vermilion glow illuminates, first kisses spawning youthful crushes. Such goings on...they should amuse her, aether's chill invading---benevolent intentions deserting her, good will suddenly fading... Fully shining scarlet now, falling prey to evil's lure---dark urges are ascendant, desperation and chaos the only cure. Kisses turning bitter now, young lovers somehow soiled---the moment's passion deserting them, Mother's evil serpent coiled. Passion's steaming nature changes, seen in this awful light---such pleasures derived from love's embrace, are not to be tonight. The wise now hasten to their houses, such light observed before---memory vomits debauched images, remembrance shakes their very core. Couples absorbed within their passion, ignore such subtle changes---Mother's light prohibits thought, as she silently arranges... Infernal acts and practices, madness walks the streets---tenderness and compassion lost, all coherence now retreats. Virgin-blood upon the cobblestones, screaming desperately for revenge---mankind's callous nature struts, to late to make amends. Foul violence and lusting grows, couples rutting where they lay---enjoyment not a part of this, crimson moonlight orchestrates this display. Panting innocents look around themselves, waning Moon deserts the skye---wretched wailing fills the air, leaving men to wonder why. Continuing her endless journey, Mother moves towards western reaches----- Un-caring in her lofty dwelling, immune to what her reflection teaches. © January, 2008 ~DaveDoom51~ all rights reserved Last edited by BABYDIABOLICAL : 03-18-2008 at 01:34 AM.